3 Steps on How to Forgive When You Still Have Pain and Anger
When we are hurt or wronged by another person, the human psyche suffers from the same emotional rollercoaster, which is marked by stages of pain, anger, denial, resentment, and the need for revenge. This is the common response to someone who has done us wrong. However, it is also the negative and unhealthy response.
If you do not free yourself from pain and anger, you won’t be able to forgive. And when you don’t forgive, the anger will continuously consume you. It’s like a powerful poison that can pollute all aspects of life; it can create mental and emotional stress, which can also take its toll on your physical health and well-being.
1. Get rid of negative talk.
Sometimes, in our pain and anger, we often get bombarded with negative thoughts like:
I will never forgive you.
I will never heal from what happened.
The damage has been done.
Negative thoughts like these do not help you at all. And the truth is, they do not really affect the person who has wronged you. All these thoughts do is poison your mind and burden you down. They make you feel heavy, like you’re carrying a huge weight and have decided to carry that weight for the rest of your life.
This means you will never feel relaxed, happy, content, and perfectly at peace.
2. Replace them with positive talk.
So even if you’re having difficulty forgetting what happened, give yourself a pep talk:
I am a compassionate and forgiving person.
Forgiveness comes naturally to me.
I will forgive.
I am at peace with myself and with everyone around me.
I am strong.
These are some examples of subliminal messages you can bombard your mind with. Subliminal messages communicate directly with the subconscious, so they can overwrite even the most deeply embedded hurts and anger that accumulate inside you.
3. Decide to forgive.
You often hear people say that forgiveness cannot be forced and that it simply comes on its own. Believe it or not, this is just a nicer way of saying “I will not forgive you.” It’s also like saying, “Let’s just see what happens,” which, in most cases, may simply mean “Let’s just see what bad karma you get for what you did to me.”
The truth is, forgiveness is a decision. And it is not just a decision to free the other person from the wrong he has done; the decision to forgive does not really directly favor the other person. The decision to forgive is the decision to set yourself free, and you are the one that directly benefits from it. With this decision comes freedom and peace.
There are many forms of forgiveness. Sometimes, forgiveness means getting over what happened and resuming your relationship with that person. This is the ultimate form of forgiveness. However, sometimes, forgiveness may also mean leaving what happened behind but also deciding to never spend time with that person again. No matter which form of forgiveness you feel comfortable with, the important thing is that you free yourself from the negative emotions and move on.
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